Food: A Love Story

 

I just finished Jim Gaffigan's latest book.  It is called Food: A Love Story.  Gaffigan is a comedian known for his jokes about Hot Pockets.  If you read his previous book you know that he has five kids and lives with his wife in a two bedroom apartment in New York.  I'm sure he sold a lot of books and has enough money for a bigger apartment, but they are still there.  I can only imagine they just have no time to look.

I find Gaffigan very funny and sometimes I laughed out loud while reading Food.  That is my definition of funny.  Lots of books give me a smile.  I laugh out loud at the truly funny ones.

Gaffigan is a comedian, so that means he travels a lot.  Therefore, he is an expert on food in every state and most cities.  He also confesses to being fat and many of his jokes are about weight and food.  I don't think he is that fat, but it remains part of his act.

He even jokes that one of the best things about living in New York is the availability of food to be delivered to his apartment, so he can get food without moving.  Those are two of his favorite things.

When Weight Watchers says that nothing tastes as good as thin feels, he disagrees.  (After all, he is married to a beautiful (and thin) wife and no longer has to stress over what he weighs to get the girl.)  Many of those things end in the word cheese, like Cheddar cheese and grilled cheese.  "Even unsalted French fries taste better than thin feels."    Gaffigan believes this level of sacrifice, eating unsalted fries because it is too much work to get up and find salt,  would make him a great contestant on Survivor.

Most of the book involves riffs on what the different states feel is their finest food.  I happen to agree with him that lobster from Maine looks like a giant sea scorpion and the only reason people eat it is because it is swimming in sticks of melted butter.

He seems to not like fruit, unless it is in a pie or covered in chocolate, and he really hates vegetables. He figures people only eat vegetables in some insane effort to be healthy and he only eats them in front of his children.  A man has to be a good example, after all.  I doubt he will let them read this book, as all parental arguments on healthy eating from his wife will end up with, "Well, DAD hates vegetables, too!"

If you want some light reading and a good laugh, I would recommend this book.  If you are trying to lose weight, or you think young impressionable minds might find this book and make every mealtime an argument, save it for your next trip out of town.  It might even let you know where to get the best food for that particular city.  Or send him a message on Twitter.  I'm sure he knows.

The Shadow Tracer by Meg Gardiner

 

This has been a pretty good week for me with my book choices.  I read a lot and most books are OK, but forgettable.  I don't review the romances I read because I am kind of embarrassed that I actually enjoy them.  I like most books with a plot that isn't too farfetched and characters that I like and don't want to see killed by Dexter. ( If I ever hope for Dexter to show up and just kill these people and get it over with, I know it is time to read something else.)  I enjoy them and then move on to the next book.  This week I really liked the Jim Gaffigan book, Dad Is Fat...note to Jim, don't let your kid name the next book.  But the best book I have read in a long time is The Shadow Tracer by Meg Gardiner.

I love a good murder mystery or suspense book and this one had it all.  It was full of danger and kept you riveted the whole way through.  There was danger for a woman.  Danger for her child.  Danger for her friend and even her friend's mother.  Shew!

Shortly into the book, skip tracer Sarah Keller has to go to the emergency room.  Her young daughter, Zoe, was in a school bus accident.  Her slight head injury meant she had to be X-rayed and they find a chip in her back.  An RFID chip like you would put in a dog or cat to be reunited in case it got lost.  This one can be read like a bar code and it lists her parents.  Sarah Keller is not listed and the game is on.

What the hospital staff doesn't know, and Sarah doesn't have time to tell them, is that Zoe's grandfather is the imprisoned, but still powerful head of a religious cult.  A religious cult that practices polygamy among the young girls for the leaders and funds itself through criminal activity. This includes making meth and blowing up the odd Federal Building and judges with whom they disagree.   They have enforcers who have no problem killing anyone the head of the Worthe family sends them after.  Zoe's mother was killed and Sarah is her aunt and has been in hiding for years.

To quote an FBI agent in the book, "Worthe is the head of a criminal family that extends across four Western states.  He has enthusiastically practiced stealing, bearing false witness, coveting his neighbor's wife and killing."  Worthe is " the self -proclaimed prophet of the Fiery Branch of the New Covenant.  The Worthe's are white trash mafia who got a bad dose of God.  They're the twenty-first century's version of moonshiners, but more violent and egomaniacal."

This one small incident alerts the FBI and the U. S. Marshall Service, in addition to the Worthe family.  The FBI wants Sarah and Zoe to use as bait to lure the Worthe family into attempting to grab Zoe to get access to the information embedded in her chip.   Then they will finally get the evidence they need to put them away.  The Marshall's Service may want to protect Sarah and Zoe, but there is some ulterior motives in there, too.  You aren't sure if they will help her or use her for most of the book.

Sarah grabs a bag packed at all times, in case of emergency, and goes on the run.  Her skip tracer boss, Danisha,  gets pretty mad when the Worthe "Angels" try to use her mother to force her to reveal information about Sarah.  And she joins in.

The action is fast paced and you don't get a lot of down time when you can put the book down and eat a meal or get some sleep.  So start early on a rainy day when you won't get anything done anyway.  I liked the believable characters and the cross country chase and the final showdown.  Twice!

And then read Gaffigan for a laugh.

Dad Is Fat

I like to read the Sunday paper to see the best selling books.  I can frequently find something I may not have noticed on the library website.  I offered to write a blog for the county library system to highlight new books purchased, give suggestions and provide other content.   Permission had to be obtained from the county and they were suspicious of blogs on county sites, it seems.  So I will post this and you can go order the book from your library.  Or by the book.  Jim Gaffigan needs the money.

 

You may not know the name, but you should know his comedy routines.  Particularly the one on Hot Pockets.  What you may not know is that Gaffigan lives in a two bedroom apartment in New York. With his wife.  And FIVE kids!  He needs the money to get a bigger apartment!

My parents had five kids.  But they had a house on a large lot.  My father added on a room for every additional child.  Although I did have to share a room with both sisters for a short time and then , as rooms added on, I only had to share with one. I can't imagine all those kids in a small apartment.

Imagine living in New York City with even one child in a five floor walk-up.  You heard me FIVE floors.  Carrying kids and all their accoutrements.  And then they have to go to the bathroom.  Mr. Gaffigan has written a funny book, as long as you don't plan on having bunch of kids in a small apartment.  Here are a few of my favorite parts.

"I am incredibly lucky to have married a woman like Jeannie.  She is energetic, hardworking, and she takes incredible care of the kids and me.  However, during our marriage there have been periods where she has become rather lazy.  Jeannie describes these periods as 'pregnancy'."

Gaffigan realizes that his wife is growing another human, in addition to all her other duties,  while he is merely existing.

"HUSBAND: I'm tired.

PREGNANT WOMAN: Oh, really? I'm growing a human being.

HUSBAND: I have so much work to do.

PREGNANT WOMAN: Oh, really?  I have to push a baby with your head size out of my body.

HUSBAND: I am going to stand in the corner for the next nine months."

Gaffigan was worried he wouldn't be able to provide the unconditional love a parent is supposed to feel.   " I always found those Anne Geddes baby-flower photos annoying and it kind of puts me in a good mood to see a teenager fall off a skateboard."

Gaffigan has some funny takes on traditional childhood literature.  Most parents have read those same stories over and over and will enjoy his humorous reviews.  For example, on Goodnight Moon, " He has to say 'goodnight' to everything in the room?  How manipulative." 

Or Harold and The Purple Crayon, " Great book.  Where do I send Crockett Johnson the bill for cleaning my walls?  Glad it wasn't Harold and The Purple Matches."

Gaffigan is not impressed by the phrase, "pitter patter of little feet".  And with five kids under 9 in a small apartment, I can imagine the noise level is incredible.  In fact, the downstairs neighbors frequently move out, for some strange reason, and ask him to take the kids out for the day when they are showing the apartment in order to fool the next potential tenant.  He claims he was once awakened by an absence of noise.

He likens allowing a three year old, who has out grown napping,  to fall asleep during the day as the parental version of a payday loan.  Sure it is great when you can get something done during the day, but you are going to pay for it double that night.  He suggests Suze Orman would be very disappointed with you.

This funny book is a fast read. It is written in short chapters on various amusing aspects of his large family in a small space and with his interesting lifestyle of a stand-up comedian.  I also like that he loves, honors and respects the contribution his wife provides.  "I don't know how I got so lucky to have Jeannie as a writing partner, lover, and friend, but I scored big.  She really has ended up being a fantastic first wife."